Man…this week has been nuts. This novel is actually the SHORT version. It doesn’t include the hundreds of prayers and help from friends, without which…none of this would have happened.
So…my boyfriend moved to Austin on Monday, leaving me to face my firey pits of hell alone. By pits of hell…I mean my job. I hate that job. Like…every morning I’d call it a huge success if I hadn’t started crying before 10 AM. The whole spirit of that place was the antithesis of everything that I am. I think I was poisonous for that place, too. I just schlumped around with my head drooping like Eeyore. I’d been lightly looking for something new, but this job was so wrong for me that it stole all my motivation to do anything productive…I think most of us have been there.
By lightly looking I mean something like…Just the other night after a few drinks…I half accidentally applied to a company over craigslist without even bothering to look at the company NAME. And…let me tell you…if I HAD looked at the company name, I don’t think I would have applied because dental marketing sounds like just about the most boring thing to me or probably anyone else in the world who thinks “sparkle” is a totally legitimate color. But…I got a phone interview.
Back at work.…10 AM on a Thursday (not awkward, at all guys…don’t worry), I got called into the office and was laid off. The company was changing direction bla bla bla…and PR was going to be completely outsourced. Of course, the conspiracy theorist in me doesn’t buy this for a second…but I’m sitting there, getting laid off…being like OMG…I can’t believe they would do this to me! I’m such a good person! I make dance parties so people can love the place they work more! I’ve tried so so so hard to make this place work for me! I’ve made multiple presentations about HOW TO GET MORE VALUE OUT OF THE KRISTEN (which by the way were met with the response “bound to fail”) and now I’m just OUT? ME! A Type A UCLA grad articulate clever effervescent writer of emotion and technology. How…
The HR manager ushered me out of the office, I was sobbing as I blubbered out my request for the parking attendants to reorganize the whole lot while they dug my car out of the “leaving at 5” corner. Embarrassing. While I was waiting for them to dig the car out…I plunked out an email to a phone interview I have at 12:30.
Sorry buddy, having a bit of an emergency at work. Not gonna make it. Can we reschedule?
But he was dead SET on a call today! Like…this guy…NOT budging. So I emailed back…
About 5 minutes before I emailed you, I was laid off! I wasn’t surprised – but still – layoffs are generally no fun and I thought I’d be in a better place to speak with you by Monday.
To which he responded…
I have been laid off 5 times in my life…there is no shame in that. I will call you in a bit.
So…a few minutes later, I was on the phone…trying to keep my tears from not shorting out the already misbehaving stupid Android phone.
Fast forward through the world’s most unconventional interview (i.e. if I gave you a truck full of penguins and told you to make $1500 in 2 weeks, what would you do?) And I had an in-person interview the next day. For the interview…I was supposed to put together a marketing plan for an argyle sock company.
Now…I know you may be thinking…this is dental marketing. Why would you have to do an argyle sock plan? Well…this made more sense than the penguin question…and I was just glad to have an interview to make myself feel better, even if I would never take the job. And I was determined to do well…
I go into the interview to talk about argyle socks. Aaaawww cute the CEO is wearing argyle socks! He WANTS me to succeed!
The VERY short version of my pitch was basically (I swear this is actually necessary and I’m sorry this is so long…)
Who wears argyle socks? Yuppies and hipsters
What are the only things they have in common? They are obsessed with their status and really don’t want to be mistaken for the “other” people who wear argyle.
Therefore…you make a campaign “do your socks match?” yuppies yes, hipsters no… Pit them against each other through all the social channels…bla bla bla…and promote the mismatching of socks. Thomas Jefferson would have matched his socks…the Beatles wouldn’t (maybe George BC he’s boring…sorry)…But both were so amazing in their own way…that it’s ok to decide that you are a sock matcher or not a sock matcher…because great things come from both sides.
THEN THE BOMB DROPS
They’re launching an argyle sock company…the CEO just freaking loves argyle. And GET THIS…they’re going to be selling mismatched-but-color-coordinated-socks as an option.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. I stopped them multiple times in their explanation to accuse them of lying. Just…blatantly YOUR PACK OF LIES ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!
They offered me the job on the spot. I had 24 hours to decide…and I decided!
I’m going to be doing marketing for a startup…working on dental marketing software (A toothy adventure!) and mismatched argyle socks.
The timing of this is bizarre happenstance. And…yes, of course I’m like… God? What’s up? You so crazy.
I can tell you that if I hadn’t been laid off, I wouldn’t have left the “stability” of my hellhole for this job. This whole situation is SO FAR OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. And…If it hadn’t happened so quickly, I may have decided “what I want” and…this wasn’t going to be it. So at this point it was a …what have I got to lose?
If it doesn’t work out, I’m right back where I started, but with a little more experience under my belt. But to be honest…I expect it will be a pretty phenomenal adventure.